Weds preps

Despite worrying about my assignments, it is not the reason to miss my cousin's wed. Everybody is getting busy yet the havoc is enjoyed by all. Though the wed is simple, it gives a release to my stress. I eat alot, that is a proof i enjoy the event so much. Congrats my lil sis, u are my senior now :-)

Parasite

Its been three months that my middle finggers is infected like this. I went twice to doctors but they just gave me cream and some anti-biotics. But i think they just do not work well. The infected area is spreading day by day. It eats half of my middle finger n started growing at the last finger.

L.A.Z.Y

Its been in this few days that i feel so lazy to do chores. My room is getting messy and homework remain unfinished. An article that supposed to take 15 minitues for a reading lasted for three days untouched. Well, i do prays for my hardwork to be back but it seems far. And i noticed i do not have a satisfying appetite like before. I only eat RM2.60 meal for lunch. I wonder what is happening and i wish it will leave. I dont like living like this.

Terrible moment

I am indeed in a terrible moment. Study does not go very well. Soulmate being so not understandable. Mom gets herself buzy renovating the house. Dad is like always, far from me geographically. Job does not let me go, but i baerly seen the money coming in. I will not blame anyone for this. I know these are happening with good reasons. I hope everything will turn better. My pray is only for the Glorious, who knows me better than myself. I need to be strong for the future me.

i want to...

i want to get married. that is all i would like to say. but people say, when its time for you to get married, Allah will open the ways for you. i guess, the time is not yet for me. i should pray more. a lot more than before. i cry. i cried. why would i? pray is a lot more better. the thing is, the more i pray, the more i see it away from me. or just me being too negative about it?

the more i pray, the more i see others get into marriages. and i continue to cry. how should i tell my heart to be patient? i just don't know how. sometime it bothers my study. if possible, i would like to know, steps to get married.just like how i know steps for job interview. if there is one, all i can say, if..

i owe him a big thanks for wanting me to be hims. i don't know what to say. having someone who ask me to be hims is a much grateful because i'm not that gorgeous, but he says i'm beautiful for him.oh Allah, i ask you with all my humbleness, allow me to be part of his life, as he be one part for mine. i'm asking your permission oh Allah. give me strength to face this test.     

3 important status

I acknowledged my status in this world. Towards my Lord the Almighty, the authority and my beloved parents. I am a servant, a subject and a daughter.

I will always acknowledge my role, to obey all His syariah, rules and obligation as restricted in the Quran. But why is it so hard for me to implement it. Astaghfirullah...forgive me my Lord, for not be able to live up to your order. Ya Allah, help me in finding the truth to my path, help me in enhancing my Iman, guide me in my life, lead me to my success, Islam's success. Ameen, ya rabb al-alameen...

I will always realize my role as a subject to my country. To follow the regulations restricted in the constitution. However, if the regulations against me to obey my Lord the Almighty, I will stop. From obeying them. There is not need to shout what is right, what is wrong. When I practice what is right, it shows. Little knowledge is better when it is practice.

I will always appreciate my status as a daughter. For it I can repay my parents' sacrifice. For it, I knew how it feels to be a daughter, I learned to care, I learned to love important people in my life. For my rude words and actions, I would like to apologize. "Ya Rabbi, forgive my sins, and my parents sins, and bless them as they bless me when I was a kid. Ameen. "

long story just being told

this is my long past experience regarding klcc. once we enter suria KLCC we find it very interesting with too many shops and cafe. if you go there by putra LRT, the first thing you will notice is a long que for a hot "Roti Boy" which will make you go for it too. before this, the que had disturbed other visitor to pass by the corner. the company now has renovate their store to fix the position of que problem. plus, their product is increasing, up to the taste of everyone. recently i just spent rm14.10 for the bread+mini pizza+croissant+tuna cheese+cheese stick. hmmm yummy!

the next thing you will focus on a juice and sandwich stop. the juice stall provide a very weird drink which is "grass juice". i don't know, maybe it is weird for Malaysian, not for others. then, when you are heading on, you will reach the center on Suria KLCC in which, at your left, there are information counter, UNIQLO,swatch, and an escalator. behide the escalator, there is actually aunty annes! a yummy one too! on your right, there is a lift and escalator to the next level.

i would like to take you to the most frequent place that i hang out with anep. ladies and gentlemen, you just need to proceed your step straight, until you find an escalator, and go up until the 2nd level, you will notice coffee beans store with lots of customer. you might have to wait for 10 or 15 minutes before you will be seated. when approaching the counter, a friendly and helpful barrister will take your order and put your name on your drink cup. for drink, i would like to suggest you a nice drink. not too sweet. not too creamy. not too weird. but very pleasant to be tasted. Caramel Hazelnut. a nice try when we both make order for our first time and we never stop from ordering it. when your name is called, it means your order is ready. you just need to open the sandwiches that you bought at Roti Boy before and Caramel Hazelnut as your evening drink. that would be nice!

a nice taste while reading.

other than nice stop for your evening tea, KLCC is the place to rock! outside Suria KLCC, a huge park provided for people to bring their kids and friends. its just a suitable place to have fun. a huge playground is built by various theme. all the playgrounds are connected to each other and become a huge one.

we rock!

there is also a water park for small kids to play around with new friends. a water park with no entrance fees needed. when it comes to prayer time, a nice and comfortable mosque is exist at the end of the park. it is very convenient to visitor to take a quick nap if they are tired. an open concept is given to pleased Muslim tourist to come to Malaysia.

other than Roti Boy, Coffee Beans and the park, KLCC also provided a visit to their highest bridge in the world. the twin tower connected with a bridge that open for visitor every morning and evening. to enter the area, one must que for the ticket at early morning. as early as you can. when anep and me come at 9a.m, we are the last visitors to go up there and our turn was at 4p.m. from the above, you can see the KL view, the whole park, the top of Suria KLCC. all are decorated as it in a theme.

you will be given a pass as a passenger. the lift take about half an hour to reach at the bridge level. me. waiting to be calling to the lift.

at the bridge.

i wish i could fly.

the top of Suria KLCC. nicely decorated as a science building.

the KLCC park from the above view.

my journey

13th may. morning. i recieved a massege that tok was badly critical. few hours later, another beep sounded and she was gone. i cried thinking about how i want to be in her funeral. to give my last respect for her. suddenly my phone ringing and it was abah. he let me know that mak cik will come and pick me then we both will go back to kampung together. i really thought she'll drive her honda but she stright away went to KLIA. all right, i kenw straight away that we were risking our time for getting there on time.

2 p.m, out turn didn't yet called. 2.30. ding! makcik go to the counter, asking for the earliest ticket and the possible one wad at 6.20 p.m. obviously we missed the funeral. i heard they said 4p.m but i didn't know what it is about. makcik told me later that it was for the waiting list pessenger. she tried to include us but we will be the 7th and the 8th. impossible for us to get the seat. we flew at 6.20p.m.

while waiting at gate 9, i saw several men were loading fuel into the planes. there were two pipes come out from the lorry. one headed to the plane and the other one goes down into a hole at the floor. i was wandering why is that a hole. why don't the pump straight away to the plane. only for the plane. it was later told by my aunt that all modern airport install the under ground fuel tank.

6.20p.m, i was in the plane. not boarding yet. i saw the staff were loading bags. there were 2 person following him at the back and both of them started throwing bag up at the escalator. they are banglashee. working here. very thin. short. they are not smiling. its was hot probably. only two of them do the work. the malay staff just instruct them with his index finger here and there. they followed whitout saying anything. i felt sorry for them. can't the malay staff ask them nicely? or the malay people easily get arrogant? or it is actually the real system. only he knows.

TOK

13th may 2011 : the last day all of us saw her. but not me. the last day for me was on the 9th of may. from the story i heard, she was having a complication from the leakage in her stomach (from the last post). blood blew out from her mouth before her last breath. while they were trying to get tissue and all that, her breath went up and down. they teach her to say the syahadah. not more than a minute, her breath stop. she was not here anymore. we all miss her. we will.

to all kpop fans!!

30 minutes ago i found something that i coudl call it loser. while i was checking up my fb, i saw a post made by widad says that one of our fail product in malaysia. perhaps, this is the result of plagiarism. yes. PLAGIARISM. have you all heard the name of 'Gula-gula'? one of girl band group in malaysia. although they mentioned that they are not copying anyone, but their style, appearance and image say the other way around. i tried to search their songsin 4shared but something else appeared, sounds like a dangdut song. or maybe it is it. i haven't try yet to search them in you tube because this is not my note book and it was sponsored by UDA and it is not allowed flash player to be upgraded. i think they are available at you tube.

so. i click on the link given. it connects me to their official blog. it is closed for upgrading process. but they provide a link to another website. their official website. what makes they proved that they are loser is they only got 3 followers. i'm not saying that mine is a lot but as a debuted website, how can the number be so small.

then i tried to googled them. from the results show, i found their link is at the lowest of other related result of 'gula-gula'. so i clicked it. it was a media online which did a review about them. from 319 comments that the article received, only 1 or 2 comments support or give neutral comment. the others are giving negative feedback over this group.

suddenly i remembered back a presentation given by my classmate on kpop wave in malaysia. rather than positive, i would say the negative impact is more obvious. but i do not want to put blame on kpop industry. they are just like the hollywood, bollywood and other entertainment industries all over the world. they just want to entertain people and they really do their job. however, for this people (gula-gula) to follow the same motive (to entertain), they fail. they simply imitate kpop version of image. even 4 of them are non-muslim, the appearance that they give cannot be accepted by malaysian. but why such appearance is acceptable if it is done by outside groups? they are also non-muslim. what ever answer that people might give, this is the reality of malaysian, we cannot accept it. to be a new celebrity, you can dress all the way you want but if you imitate somebody else, people will urge you to find your own identity. Yuna for example, she is accepted, not merely because she wares 'hijab' or something but the original style of her, did pleased her fans. good job Yuna.

http://www.beautifulnara.com/kumpulan-gula-gula-orang-malaysia-feeling-kpop/

budak2

they exhausted me! but i get fun :)

ti-in yang nga majok. budin malas dah nk layan. hadif tenampak pulak pini nga snap. hadif pandai ckp cina...pi beli air kat vending machine and terserempak ngn amoi, terus ckp cina konon2 nk sembang. budak yang pantang tengok amoi. yang lagi kelakarnya, hadif ternampak la pulak massege yang nga di send atas nama mohd. hanif. dengan konfiden nya, "aik, tu awat kak pini hantaq kat nama kami?" aku bingung. pikir punya pikir punya pikir... Ooo, H-A-D-I-F dengan H-A-N-I-F kan bezanya D dan N...

pini yang semangat memetik buah jambu air di depan umah sambil berangan memetik epal seperti di London :)

this is me

what i have possessed in these ten days is fat. i am getting bigger than before.

muka da bulat :)

badan pun :)

kenapa? why?

ni la keja yang ada pun time lapang. makan makan dan makan.

shu, dasat x?

hospital

i might skip the details for day 5-10 but here the summary.

we were relieved to hear that her kidney can still be used.when they run the dialysis process, they gave her antibiotic and other medicine to cure her kidney. the machine ran 24 hours non stop for about 4 days. and at the same time she started to produce some urine. however, her swallowed did not get better. that's probably because her kidneys do not 100% healed.

for 5 to 6 days i repeat the same routine, wake up, wash clothes, go to hospital (at 10.30am), eat, wait until 12.30 for visiting tok, eat, wait at 'rumah pelawat' and eat some snack until 4.30pm for the next visit until 7pm, and eat again, then sleep. all my clothes are getting smaller. not me who is getting bigger ;p

3 days ago tok opened her eyes. but her condition was really weak. she keep saying that they want to kill her. (depa nk bunuh aku..depa tu la..nk bunuh aku). i kept saying to her that the staff were not try to kill her, but they want to heal her. (depa bukan nk bunuh tok, depa nk berubat ja...) but she refused to accept my words and still with her words. (berubat apa...depa nk bunuh aku.) and she cried. her hands were not moving. same goes to her legs. the only part that moved was her face. at this day, the dialysis machine was stopped due to the increasing of her urine. the next day the hospital decided to run a scan to see her stomach condition after a week of operation. how the stomach responds towards the medicine that they given. during the scanning process, they put something into her blood. i'm not sure what it is but from what i heard, it seems like color liquid. i don't know what the function of it. and because of that, they have to dialysis her again for more 4 hours to clean back her blood. her kidney still cannot process heavy problem.

currently she have to take back the oxygen pipe to assist her breath taking rate because she's getting weak. and she still in sleep. the nurse told me as long as the oxygen pipe is in her mouth, we have to give her sleeping medicine to let her feel no pain.

the Kidney stone. looks like 'kacang' in real.



my first night with tok in ward Kenanga 4A.



after 2nd operation.



she was awake for a day.


we relieved for a while when seeing only 1 medicine was left.

they managed to stop the oxygen tube for a while. her breath was strong enough this time.

unfortunately she slept back after the scanning process 2 days ago.

the 2nd dialysis machine to clean her blood from some color liquid.

her last update that i have taken. these bags are connected into her stomach. her stomach is still released medical waste from the second operation. the medicine that the doctors gave is to clean her lower part of her stomach that was infected by leakage at her intestine. as long as she still produces these waste, she can't get better.

hospital

day 2:

I could not sleep that night. tok cannot sleep, she felt uneasy, uncomfortable, calling me the whole night, asking me to put wet towel over her head. her temperature increase a lil bit. i get worry. until the clock turn to 4 a.m, nurse and doctor came to monitor her oftenly. their expression did not please me. tok's stomach was getting bigger. her intestine got a small leak caused by the doctors when they tried to blow pressure to push a kidney stone beside her bile. unfortunately the pipe that is used did not reach her bile and stuck at the intestine and the cause a small leakage into it. as the result, air, water, virus and other things that go trough the intestine spread out and caused damage to her stomach and kidney. when her stomach was getting bigger, the doctor decide to perforate her belly, at least to let the air release. but nothing happened. after half an hour, they decided to make another operation at the stomach and fix the intestine. i was shock the moment i saw her belly was connected with a white pipe. my tears drop suddenly and she wave her hand called me. she said she was frightened. i could not do anything. i grab her hand and said nothing will happen. they just try to heal her. i told her to not worry. the most unforgettable words that i could not forget is she told herself to the nurse to let the process go smoothly. if her condition is stable after the intestine is fixed, the wish to take out the kidney stone. while the process is on going, they found out that her bile was already damaged, affected by the kidney stone. they took out the bile. i waited for about 4 hours outside the operation room and they told us that she was placed in the I.C.U. her condition was really critical because her kidney was badly damage. i could not hold my tears. all my family regret for what has happened. she told my uncle before that she does not want to come to the hospital. but they insisted.

day 3:

her condition is still the same. she's not conscious. too many wire around her. i don't know what they are. her medicine alone is 8. they were pump in at the same time. water drip both at left and right. we are only allowed to visit her twice a day. once on the noon, 1-2 pm and at the afternoon at 4.30-7pm. when she conscious, we talked to her. but she seemed high with the medicine dose that she received. one of her medicine was morphine. the most expensive drug.

day 4:

on this day, doctor decided to put dialysis machine to clean her blood and at the same time give medicine to her kidney. both her kidney were infected by virus. she didn't produce any urine for about 3 days. all her body, hand and legs were swallowed. all of us panic and don't know what to do.

hospital

tok masuk spital dah 4 ari. and today dah the fifth day. while I first arrived at hospital, the guard did not allowed me to enter the ward. too many in there she said. then i just waited outside, at the lounge outside the icu ward. later my two cousins came and they made noise. besa la budak2. then we all have to get out from that area. the guard said its not the time yet for visiting. finally i met tok during the visiting hour at 1. she looks worst. her stomach get bigger. her face is swollen. but according to what my uncle said, she looks better than before. a lot more better. my uncle already stayed there for 3 nights and he has abandon his works. then i decided to volunteer my self to stayed for last night.

day 1:
while observing tok, i noticed several things that i never seen before. i realized that one of doctor's characteristics is friendly :). a women next to tok's bed is suffered from cancer and she has no expectation about her future. she gave up. a doctor then came to her. he talked to her. in a very friendly way. she at first ignored him and until the last minute of their conversation, i heard the doctor said :
"makcik kat mana sekarg..kat rumah ka kat mana...?"
"hospital"
"saya sapa?"
"doktor ahmad."
"owh, makcik ingat no nama saya... terima kasih laa...mana ada lagi orang ingat nama saya. depa suma panggil saya doktor ja. saya terharu la."
suddenly the patient's behavior changed. she agree to follow the doctor advice for further check up. later after the brought her away, i heard the doctor said to his junior...
"can you do that?"
his junior just put a smile. but not a promise smile. its more or less a sorry smile.
"i'm sure you can do that. you have to try. its not that hard. just try to chat with them ok..."

i just smile, listening to his advise.

Navigator - Acid - Cotton

Before the break I told my friend that I want to blog back. But not about love. I would like to write about things that I found. I learn. and I observe. Last night I was just thought some fact, or maybe we can't say it is a fact, I just assume something. The moment we say want want to learn things, all observations change to be new learning. For me it happens. At least so far.

First from the GPS system in my dad's car. I found it really noisy. And I asked them to switch it off. My dad already knew the way home but he just want to show me the new GPS. Later I managed to adapt with the noisy and the noisy became my pronunciation teacher. As the non-native speaker of English, I remembered my prof. used to say we must pronounce each word correctly, until the last alphabet sounds. I kept repeating the word from the navigator. "Left" with the /t/ sound at the end. "Right" also with the /t/ sound at the end. "Roundabout" also with the same end sound. what else..."meters" with the long /i/ sound at the first syllabus (mee).

This morning I went for sauna and swimming. Alone :( . After an hour and a half I swam, the workers asked me to move to a Jacuzzi area because they wanted to clean the pool. I moved. From far i saw the man pour something into the pool. The water seems hot. It produces steam. I keep observing. When he done, i asked him "apa tu?". "Asid". And i shocked, "ha?! yeke?". He nodded. He explained that the acid use to clean the new water that they supply to the pool. They change the water everyday. Only after 3 hours then the pool can be entered. So I just stay in the Jacuzzi for the next half an hour.

After I changed, I have a good chat with the security. Her name is Kak Ti. She's new here. Before this she worked at other condo, I don't really remember what is the condo's name. Something Perdana at KL. She told me the reason why we cannot wear cotton in pool. I thought because the cloth makes us harder to swim. It increases weight and easy for us to sink. But that is not the case. Cotton actually release tiny dust and when they are together, they will stuck the system below the pool. The cost for repairing it is really expensive. That's what the security said. Now I know. I really have to get a new swim suit. For the time being, no swimming.

Gila makan = Gila bila dah gemok

Harini makan bangun2 tidoq ja abah buat nasi lemak. aku cuma just kena goreng ikan + kupas telur goreng + hidang + makan :)
then launch roti sama telur. petangnya makan keropok lekor. senjanya ada ayam golek makcik damansara mya.. sedap.

Semalam makan pulut durian. nyum3...
balik penang mau cari lagi durian. mau yang anyin~

Sebelum tu dah makan ikan bawal sweet sour. licin!

Dulu ada makan pizza kat foodcourt. then amik pasta. sebab week before tu x dapat mkn. bebai. kena mkn meat wrap ngan anep. walaupun x kena taste aritu tapi makana tu still nampak menarik. jadi makan pizza + pasta untuk balas dendam.

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+

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Jadi sekarang bila kenang balik apa yang dah mkn...banyaknya!! patut la berat naik. huhuhu.

The real task

Last night I got an assignment from my dad to do some translation text. Its not really long yet not short. It's about 3 simple paragraphs describing about some medical stuff and I accept the task. While confronting with it, I felt like its killing me. I even can't bring it to my own language. I started worried about my skill. I tried harder and harder until I manage to produce one. But a foolish one. I laughed my self. Alone. Thinking about the task. Then I saved it. Kept it safe in my 'stolen' pendrive. And today my dad asked about it. Thank god he didn't laugh but then I had to listen to a long speech. I know now is not the time to play around and I should really work harder before I graduate.

2 weeks ago I walked around with Anep at Kino and found a book, "Tiga Kali Semingu" by Dr. Faisal Tehrani. The cover pictures two persons with so Malay looks. And a short description says "Dia pandai- dia tidak menggedik pada setiap masa- dia memilih tiga kali seminggu sahaja." That what made me decided to buy the book. I thought the description refers to the 'ustaz' who gives talk to the villagers and he choses 3 times a week, but my conclusion was wrong. Its about the girl who is a widow and desperates for a husband. The book consists of 15 short stories which I found it brings me lots of new things. Not just things. I consider it Knowledge. To all my friends, we should have one. Good for us to know our own literature.

Currently I can say that I was influenced by the author and started to read his other books, " Sebongkah Batu Di Kuala Berang".

doa nak kawen :D

aku nga baca2 blog2 org rmi then, this one blog is actually talks about the symptoms of disease produced by our body. start from the head until leg. mmg best pun..then, i was actually looking at his list of post then ternampak doa for those yg da kemaruk sgt nk kawen but then xleh2 nk kawen(maybe for some reason la kot kan...) keke... here it is :

Ya Allah,

Kalau dia memang jodohku, jodohkanlah. Tapi kalau bukan jodohku, jodohkanlah jugak. Jika dia tidak berjodoh denganku, maka jadikanlah kami jodoh…. Kalau dia bukan jodohku, jangan sampai dia dapat jodoh yang lain, selain ku.. Kalau dia tidak bisa dijodohkan dengan ku, jangan sampai dia dapat jodoh yang lain. Biarkan dia tidak berjodoh sama seperti diriku..

Dan saat dia telah tidak memiliki jodoh, jodohkanlah kami kembali… Kalau dia berjodoh dengan orang lain, putuskanlah! Jodohkanlah denganku… Jika dia tetap menjadi jodoh orang lain, biar orang itu ketemu jodoh dengan yang lain dulu dan kemudian jodohkan kembali dia denganku… (nak nak sangat ni..!!!.)

AMIN…

hahaha...sounds funny but according to the writer: moral of the story, please do not shy to pray for something that you really2 hope for. doa may change our fate...just believe in ALLAH :)

i feel like crying :(

i have to do a lot of readings this sem, and it is hard for me because i get sleepy easily. i don't know what makes me feel so tired. i just have a normal day as before, but i realized i couldn't survive long enough to finish my reading. there are plenty of books that i haven't read yet. things just make me worried. of course this will be a huge problem to me for the whole sem. what should i do...

list of books that i have to read:

-sociolinguistics
-IR
-psycholinguistics
-major Barbara
-a room with a view
-everyman
-BM kerjaya
-moll Flanders
-Dr. Faustus

i think there is more, but i could not remember... but I'll add later... :(
PINI GANBATE!!!